(This was edited on Jan. 20, 2023)
I was widowed about 14 months ago after almost 42 years of marriage. Kids, and even grandkids, are grown but don’t live too far away. I am doing as well as can be expected on my own, but some days and nights can be lonely.
I am not looking for a man to take away my new-found independence. I cherish this and want to always have my own space. I don’t want to live with anyone else, probably ever, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have occasional companionship. Someone to go out with, or maybe stay in with. Sometimes I might make supper for us at my house. and then send him home to his own house after breakfast, unless he wants to mow my lawn first. And by mowing my lawn, I mean actually mowing my lawn, no double entendre here.
Curiosity has led me to check out some online dating sites. I met my husband in the late 70s the old fashioned way…in a bar, so this online stuff is foreign to me. Since I was just checking things out, I didn’t exactly sign up. I have not paid money or posted a photo, and I used a first-name alias that sounds like a stripper’s moniker. In turn, I get a small peek at who is out there. Eeeek! I have seen a couple of interesting prospects, and if I was ready for this (I’m not) I found maybe two out of a few hundred that I would consider “liking.”
My main takeaway is that I might be able to make money teaching men how to create a better profile. First of all, the photo is going to be the thing that makes prospective dates click or not click to read more. You don’t have to look like George Clooney. In fact, someone who is too good-looking might make me wonder if you’re a catfish who stole some model’s photo. My advice is to post a few photos, showing different aspects of your personality. Smile in at least one, keep your shirt on ~I can’t stress this enough, keep your damn shirt on! And either learn how to take a decent selfie or enlist the help of a friend. I have seen so many pictures of scowling shirtless guys who hold their phone in their lap and point it up to take the photo. Nobody wants to look up your nose. The most flattering photos are taken from above. If you post a group photo with other people, make sure to indicate which one you are. While most people love pictures of adorable children, and this advice goes for men and women, I wouldn’t post pictures of my children or grandchildren on a dating site, just for safety reasons. It could invite creepers. If you want to post photos of you with your pet, that’s a different story. It goes without saying that you don’t post a photo of you with your deceased or ex spouse or lover on a dating site. Take a new damn photo if you don’t have anything recent. And yes, the photo should be fairly recent. You want your date to recognize you when you meet in public for that first time.
I would definitely post something about your hobbies, religious beliefs, political leanings. I’m not saying people have to be on the exact same page on every little thing, but it helps to be reading the same book.
The rest of this advice doesn’t pertain to everyone, because different people are looking for different things, but would apply to what I might be looking for personally. For me, it is a giant turn-off to see pictures of guys posing with the animal they have just killed. I live in a rural state and a good percentage of the photos are of some dude with a dead deer or big fish. That shit does not interest me at all, actually makes me want to gag a little. The guys with the wild turkeys are the worst, cos their photos look like they are mating with the Tom. But if killing stuff is how you like to spend your time, it’s probably good that the people you date know it. Maybe they like this sort of thing too. I am not going to cook deer meat, wild turkeys or clean fish or pheasants, but a lot of women will. Many women enjoy killing stuff too. I don’t share that passion. I like to shoot things with a camera.
Again, this is just me personally, but if someone is a conservative, especially a MAGA-type, or an anti-science person, they would be eliminated from further consideration immediately. If they think the government should have any say over decisions made between patients and their health-care providers, I don’t want anything to do with them. When I say this, I am talking about reproductive rights. Being an anti-vaxxer is different, as that kind of thinking can hurt other people. I wouldn’t get along with someone who is ultra religious. I have found that a lot of people use religion as an excuse to hate. Some of the biggest hypocrites I know are in that pew every Sunday, the loudest ameners in the crowd. And someone who thinks that way surely would not want to be with a left-wing agnostic like me.
Being a smoker would be a deal-breaker as well. This is not a judgement thing, it’s a self-preservation thing. My late husband was the nicest guy in the world, but his biggest fault was that he cared more about his cigarettes than he did his family, in fact he let that habit kill him. So ~never again. Also, I moved last year and it’s nice to live in a house that doesn’t smell like stale cigarette smoke. But, if you do smoke, be honest about it. People who share this habit might want to hook up with each other. They don’t realize they are kissing a mouth that tastes like an ashtray. If you smoke and lie about it, any non-smoker is going to realize it when they get within five feet of you. When I see the profiles that indicate the person is a smoker but “trying to quit” that would be a hard pass because most smokers say that, but they don’t really mean it. It’s like me saying I’m trying to lose weight as I’m chowing down on a bacon cheeseburger.
Something else I have noticed as a 62 year old great-grandmother, is that there are a lot of men my age and older who answer the question with the baby carriage icon with “Maybe someday or definitely someday.” Umm, if you are on a site for people over 50 and you are indicating that you still want to make babies, I’m not sure what you are saying. Maybe you mean it is okay if a future partner already has kids, but you are not likely to find someone who wants to make babies with you on Silver Singles.
Oh and there are the men who are “Currently separated.” C’mon, what does that mean? If you are in the process of getting a divorce, wait until the ink dries on the final papers. Otherwise, things could get messy.
At any rate, I am not ready to put myself out there yet. But I wanted to browse. After seeing what’s out there, I’ll probably just continue to share my bed with my two dogs. They’re better at cuddling than any man could hope to be.
