Just my perspective~

men and their online dating profiles

I was widowed about nine months ago after more than 40 years of marriage. Kids are grown but don’t live too far away. I am doing as well as can be expected on my own, but some days and nights can be lonely.

I am not looking for a man to take away my new-found independence. I want to always have my own space, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have companionship. Someone to occasionally go out with, or maybe stay in with. Curiosity led me to check out some online dating sites. I met my husband in the late 70s the old fashioned way…in a bar, so this online stuff is foreign to me. Since I was just checking things out, I didn’t exactly sign up. I have not paid money or posted a photo, and I used an alias that sounds like a stripper’s name and a location of a nearby larger town.

I have seen a couple of interesting prospects, and if I was ready for this (I’m not) I found two out of a few hundred that I would consider “liking.”

But my main takeaway is that I might be able to make money teaching men how to create a better profile. First of all, the photo is going to be the thing that makes prospective dates click or not click to read more. You don’t have to look like Prince Charming. In fact, someone who is too good-looking might make me wonder if you’re a catfish who stole some model’s photo. My advice is to post a few photos, showing different aspects of your personality. Smile in at least one, keep your shirt on, and either learn how to take a decent selfie or enlist the help of a friend. I have seen so many pictures of scowling hairy shirtless guys who hold their phone in their lap and point it up to take the photo. Nobody wants to look up your nose. The most flattering photos are taken from above. If you post a group photo with other people, make sure people know which one you are. Are you the old guy or one of the handsome young sons ? While most people love pictures of adorable children, and this advice goes for men and women, I wouldn’t post pictures of my children or grandchildren on a dating site, just for privacy reasons. It could invite creepers. If you want to post photos of you with your pet, that’s a different story. It goes without saying you don’t post a photo of you with your deceased or ex spouse on a dating site. Even if you blur their image. Take a new damn photo if you don’t have anything recent.

Another thing that some women might like, but for me it is a giant turn-off to see pictures of guys posing with the animal they have just killed. Your big gun does not impress me. But if killing stuff is how you like to spend your time, it’s probably good that the people you date know it. Maybe they like this sort of thing too. I am not going to cook deer meat or clean pheasants. Some women will. A lot of women enjoy killing stuff too. I don’t share that passion. I like to shoot things with a camera.

I would definitely post something about your hobbies, religious beliefs, political leanings. I’m not saying people have to be on the exact same page on every little thing, but it helps to share some values and interests. For me, if someone is a conservative, especially a MAGA-type, or an anti-science person, they would be eliminated from further consideration immediately. Same if they are ultra religious. I have found that a lot of people use religion as an excuse to hate. Some of the biggest hypocrites I know are in that pew every Sunday. And someone who thinks that way surely would not want to be with a left-wing agnostic like me. Being a smoker would be a deal-breaker as well. My late husband was the nicest guy in the world, but his biggest fault was that he cared more about his cigarettes than he did his family, in fact he let that habit kill him. So ~never again. But, if you DO smoke, be honest about it. People who share this habit might want to hook up with each other. They don’t realize they are kissing a mouth that tastes like an ashtray. If you smoke and lie about it, any non-smoker is going to realize it when they get within five feet of you.

Something else I have noticed as a 62 year old great-grandmother, is that there are a lot of men my age and older who answer the question with the baby carriage icon with “Maybe someday or definitely someday.” Umm, if you are on a site for people over 50 and you are indicating that you still want to make babies, I’m not sure what you are saying. Maybe you mean it is okay if a future partner already has kids, but you are not likely to find a baby mama on Silver Singles if that’s what you want.

Oh and there are the men who are “Currently separated.” C’mon, what does that mean? If you are in the process of getting a divorce, wait until the ink dries on the final papers. Otherwise, things could get messy.

At any rate, I am not ready to put myself out there yet. But I wanted to browse. After looking to see what’s out there, I’ll probably just continue to share my bed with my two dogs. They’re better at cuddling than any man could hope to be.

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