Online dating~ Do I really want to try this?

I don’t write here as often as I thought I might. I may have lost my writing mojo during this long winter. But thought I would give an update regarding dipping my toe into the possibility of online dating. (I married at 19 and was widowed 16 months ago after 42 years of marriage.) I don’t know HOW to date as an adult.

I browsed a few sites without actually full-on joining. There were a few men, that for whatever reason were able to message me and I could reply for free, through one of these sites, even though I never did pay for a “subscription.” I figured, “What the hell?” I actually tried to join and there was an issue with my bank card. I saw that as a sign and gave up doing that. It turns out that e-date is a Canadian company and my US bank flagged the transaction as possible fraud, etc. I think it was just as well. So instead of me scoping people out, I replied to three of them who messaged me. The first guy seemed okay at first, widowed, same age as me, etc. But, according to his answers, his idea of a perfect date was sitting home together and watching shows like “Dateline.” Yeah, I watch those too, alone at home when I’m bored. I wasn’t sure I wanted to invite a perfect stranger to my house, or go to his, and watch true crime shows about how some lunatic murdered his wife or girlfriend! One of the answers this man gave regarding how much time he would want to spend with his partner, he indicated “ALL of his time.” Good God, No thanks! I need some breathing room and independence. I’d also like to possibly find an occasional travel partner to share expenses with and this man was not interested in traveling at all. When my “free” messages quit going through, and he assumed I was ignoring him (I actually was not) he sent me a snarky, “I thought you were real, but apparently, I’m mistaken,” I saw this as a dodged bullet, and ceased even trying to make further contact.

For the past two weeks or so, I have been messaging with two prospects, but I’m still pretty leery. I have not met either in person as they both live a considerable distance from my tiny town. The distance is doable, but not convenient for either of them to just drive back home after an evening out. And I am not going to ask a stranger to stay over the first night I meet him, even if it is offering them the couch.

One is a Democrat. (I researched him on the Secretary of State’s website to make sure he was being honest about that.) We liberals are few and far between in my state. He’s a couple years older than me and seems nice enough from the text messages we have shared. I have not felt a connection from these texts, but we have not met in person yet. We do have plans to meet in a town in between our addresses for supper sometime soon. We’ll see.

And then there is this other man~ He lives a little closer, and at first I told him I was not interested because of the age difference. I am 62 and he is 76. This means he was entering high school the year I was born! My mind keep going to the fact that I have taken care of other people my entire life, beginning with two severely disabled younger brothers, whose care pretty much consumed any sort of a normal childhood for me. Our mom died at 49 and my sister and I became responsible for our brothers for the rest of their lives. Later, my dad got to the point where he required a great deal of care. He ended up in a nursing home, because I could not physically lift him or get him into our shower, etc. and he couldn’t be left alone while we went to work. When we would spring him for an occasional afternoon, he needed help eating or even wiping his butt. I’m not complaining, this is what families do. I’m just explaining why I don’t want to end up in a caretaker position with a potential romantic interest! My husband died a few months after his cancer diagnosis and sometimes I wonder if he willed himself to die as soon as he did so I wouldn’t be changing his Depends. He knew how hard it was physically and emotionally doing this with my brothers and my dad. This is not to say it would happen with an older gentleman friend, but the odds concern me. What is surprising is that this “old guy” and I seem to share the same sense of humor, and we agree politically. He’s registered Independent. It is hard to find a man in this red state who isn’t a freaking tRump supporter. I am literally surrounded by idiots. But this guy is not one of them. He wants to travel and seems younger and more adventurous than the guy my age who wants to sit home and watch crime shows. I have arthritic knees and some neurological issues, so I might move more like an old person than “old guy” does.

SO….I agreed to meet him for lunch someday soon. “eeek” Maybe when he meets me, he will think I’m too old for him.

And I took my free profile completely off that dating site, this shit is stressing me out.